my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
