matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize