If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
