I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
