do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you never un-have a 4some
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize