I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
