my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm too high and old for this...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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