sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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