all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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