Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
