All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
