i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
