I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
