I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
