After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
