did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize