Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
