If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
