i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
