She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i think my cat just said my name.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize