just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
