He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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