i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize