you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
