Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
