I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
