Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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