You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
