I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
