We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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