I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
