Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
