I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
