pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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