i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
