Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
