I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
