This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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