my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
