i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
