im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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