clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
