I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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