Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
