6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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