So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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