If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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