You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
