I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
