Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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