dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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