I skipped work to stalk him.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
