i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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