There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
