I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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