Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
