my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
