You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He better not be in your backpack
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
