Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
