I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
