allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
