WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
