I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
