There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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