I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
