I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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