Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
