My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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