Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
