I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
