4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
