I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
