Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
